I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
