420 ftw
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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