Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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