I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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