Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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