Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize