We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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