New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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