where does the pee come out of this thing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
