The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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