shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's always time for handjobs
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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