My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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