Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
