OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
