you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
