He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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