I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am naked and annoyed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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