stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
