The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
