I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
