it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
