Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
