Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
