i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize