Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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