3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize