I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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