the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
