I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize