We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
