So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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