so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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