Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We're too hungover to prance.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
