Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
