It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
