i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
