Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you had me at cake vodka
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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