I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
