I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
