Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
