my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize