moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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