I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
