He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
