I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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