I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize