You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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