Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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