I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
