Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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