Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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