So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
