He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this boner is exhausting
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
