Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
