8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
