just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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