just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
