but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
