Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
