sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Too much gin, very little bucket
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
