"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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