I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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