Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
