I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
