we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
