dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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